Dreaming Beyond Words...

"Dreams are the answers to the questions that we have not yet figured out how to ask..."
-Fox Mulder

The last few days have been filled with laughter, confusion, fun times, stress, and somehow in the midst there was peace. My thoughts have been mostly on the contrast between the life of old and the life of the present....pros, cons, and common ground. Though there was only a little bit of time in between old life and new life, that middle time was not pleasant (it is also a slight blur) and I admit that I consciously ignore it. The change was almost overnight, however....I went to Mexico, and when I came home Father was lost in love and the rest of us dragged behind... nothing was the same. At all.

I'll never have that life back...and that is scary. I had to move ahead and leave all I knew- my lifestyle, tendencies...the whole nine yards behind. I had to start over and learn how to live a new life filled with new people that I didn't know- and then relate those people to being my new family. I was given different responsibilities and privileges, while some of my old ones were taken away. I was on my own figuring out what was okay and what was not- the rules of the game completely changed, and so did the priorities. I learned how to live with new people and step out of the box- and most of all to be forgiving, keep short accounts, keep an open mind to new ideas, and to be patient. Even though the thought of never having my old life back (that includes the relationships I had with my biological siblings- not that they are bad, they've just changed) scares me and forces me to look ahead at change, I don't think I would trade a moment of it for what I have now. My life has been picked up, turned upside down, and then put back together in a different way, and its been confusing, stressful, and even slightly painful- but my new siblings, my new lifestyle, and my new mother have all been worth the inconveniences. I've learned to love new people and even how to share a bathroom with them. I've learned a lot about living with a million boys and what NOT to do- like not to say "make me", "I dare you", or "yeah, right." I've learned that if you do say those things- you'll end up in pain or in the pond. Most of all I've learned that God brings new people into your life for a reason...to build you into who you are and to fulfill the plan that he has for you...and I don't think I could do that without my new family.

I suppose thats all for now...
abby